


Autumn's Rain

by Ankaree



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 08:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/796236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankaree/pseuds/Ankaree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a time of tragedy, Jim offers Blair his support and love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Autumn's Rain

## Autumn's Rain

by Ankaree

Nope, the guys still aren't mine, dag-nabbit <G>.   


A very special thanks to Fossil and Rosie for their beta work and wonderful help. If it wasn't for their patience and encouragement I wouldn't be writing.   


Altho this is a death story, nothing graphic is discribed. If the idea of Naomi dying bothers you, then please read no further, you have been warned <G>.   
I wrote this story during a particularly difficult time in my life. Writing down my feelings actually helped me with the healing process.   
Feedback is always welcome, but please no flames.   


* * *

It was with a heavy heart that Jim Ellison walked down the hallway of Rainier University toward Blair's office. Jim had received some shocking news about twenty minutes earlier, news he was sure would crush his lover's heart. 

The California Highway Police was trying to get in touch with Blair, but with his busy schedule, they had been unsuccessful. Not wanting to leave a message on the answering machine, they had called Jim, the only other contact name in the purse the police had found. 

As Jim approached, he could hear Blair humming quietly to himself. Apprehensively, he grabbed the doorknob, slowly opened the door, and stepped inside. 

His Guide's back was to him, but having suddenly sensed that he wasn't alone, Blair quickly turned around. A wave of both sadness and tenderness washed through Jim as Blair's eyes lit up and an incredible smile crossed the handsome face when he saw his Sentinel. 

"Jim! Hey, man. What are you doing here so early? Thought we were meeting for lunch later on." 

Jim closed the door for privacy and took a few steps forward. "Blair," he said somberly. 

Blair's face fell and his heart began to race at the seriousness of Jim's voice. 

"What? What's wrong?" he demanded. 

Not taking his eyes from Blair, Jim took another step closer to him. 

"I'm so sorry." 

"Jim, you're really starting to freak me out here. What's going on? Is someone hurt? Oh God, is it Simon?" Blair's voice trembled. 

Jim shook his head slowly. "No. No, it's not Simon. I -- I got a call a little while ago from the California Highway Patrol. Blair, there's been a fatal accident. It's..." 

Before Jim could say the name, Blair cut him off. "No," he said hoarsely. He knew that his mom had been in Big Sur over the weekend and was supposed to leave that day to come to visit with him and Jim. "Don't say it, Jim! Don't you say it!" Blair pleaded. 

With a breaking heart, Jim said the words Blair begged him not to say, "It's Naomi, Blair. Her car went off the road. There was nothing they could do. God, I'm so sorry." 

Jim reached out to his hurting lover, but Blair took a step back. "No!" Blair yelled, holding up his hands and shaking his head vigorously, "I don't believe you!" 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jim spoke quietly, "Blair, you know I'd never lie to you." 

For a few seconds Blair stood very still and stared at Jim with disbelief. Then in a quick movement, he flung himself at Jim pounding his fists against his chest. 

"No! No!" Blair cried out as Jim grabbed his wrists, then held him tightly. 

Blair struggled for a few more minutes until he finally collapsed against Jim, sobbing into his strong chest. Suddenly, Blair's legs gave out and they both sank to the floor. 

Jim cradled Blair in his lap, holding him gently against his own body. As Blair cried, Jim instinctively rocked back and forth, whispering words of comfort to his heartbroken partner. 

"That's it, let it go. I love you, Blair, and I'm here for you. We'll get through this -- together. Shh -- it's gonna be okay." 

With a deep breath, Blair pulled back slightly and locked his wet, pain-filled blue eyes with Jim's. 

"Why, Jim? Why her?" he asked shakily. 

Jim tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind Blair's ear. "I don't know, buddy. I wish I knew." 

Stoically, Jim tried to keep control over his own emotions. He knew Blair would need him to be strong, but even with his tight control; a single tear still escaped his eye and slowly trickled down his cheek. 

Blair watched, almost hypnotized, as the tear slowly ran down Jim's face. Reaching out with his finger, Blair gently touched the wet drop. He looked at his finger, then back at Jim's face. Quickly, Blair threw his arms around Jim's waist. "Don't cry, Jim," he whispered. "Please don't cry." 

Returning the embrace, Jim buried his face in Blair's curly hair and breathed out a sob. "I'm so sorry, Chief, I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. I wish I could fix it, wish I could make your pain go away." 

They held onto one another, each trying to absorb the other's strength. Jim knew that for Blair's sake, he had to regain his control; Blair would need him. So a few minutes later he took a deep, calming breath, and quietly spoke again, "Why don't we go back to the loft? Okay, Chief?" 

Blair replied by nodding slowly against Jim's shirt. 

Jim stood up and reached a hand out to Blair, helping him to his feet. It took only a few seconds to gather Blair's things together, then they quietly made their way back home. 

* * *

Jim unlocked the door to their loft and with a hand placed at the small of Blair's back, gently led him inside. 

"Why don't you go sit down and I'll make us some tea?" Jim said as he locked the door and placed Blair's backpack under the coatrack. 

When Blair didn't move or respond, Jim walked up to stand in front of him. Carefully he placed his hands on Blair's arms and rubbed slowly. 

"Chief?" he asked quietly. 

Lost in his own thoughts, Blair started slightly when Jim said his name. 

"Sorry. What did you say?" 

"How about some tea?" 

"Yeah, okay," Blair replied. Numbly, he made his way to the sofa and sat down. 

After quickly making them some chamomile tea, Jim placed their cups on the coffee table and took a seat beside his friend. 

"So, w-what happens now?" Blair asked sadly. 

Jim brought a hand up and gently caressed the back of his partner's head. "I've arranged for your mom to be brought to Cascade." 

Soulful blue eyes, brimming with tears, looked up at Jim. "Thanks." 

There were a few moments of silence before Blair spoke again. "Um -- Mom and I have talked about this before -- you know, in case something ever..." His voice broke, but then he cleared his throat, took a deep breath and continued, "She wanted to be cremated and have her ashes released somewhere beautiful, b-but she never s-said where." 

With tears streaming down his face, Blair turned and buried his face in Jim's chest. 

Jim wrapped his arms around Blair and held him, offering whatever comfort he could. 

Blair sniffed a few times, pulled back slightly, and wiped his eyes. "Man, Naomi would kick my ass if she knew I was crying over her death." 

Using the back of his fingers, Jim lovingly stroked his lover's face. "Chief, it's okay to be upset." 

"I know, but Mom always said that she didn't want her death to be something sad. She wanted her funeral to be a celebration of her life. Naomi would want me to remember all the wonderful happy times we shared together, and that's what I plan on doing." 

"Whatever you decide, I'm here for you, Blair." 

Blair placed a soft kiss to Jim's cheek, "Thanks, man. I couldn't make it through this without you." 

"Chief, I, um..." Jim paused, wondering if he should say anything. 

"What is it?" 

"I think I might know of a place where we could take Naomi," Jim answered hesitantly, then quickly added, "unless you already have a different idea." 

"No, no other ideas. Please, tell me," Blair encouraged. 

"There's this beautiful clearing up in the Cascade Mountains overlooking a valley. After I came back from Peru, I needed to clear my head. So I went hiking one day and happened to come across this place. I'd go there from time to time, you know, when things got rough and I needed to be alone. I haven't been there in a long time though -- not since I met you." Jim smiled softly at Blair while caressing his cheek. "It's secluded and very quiet. I know you'd really like it." 

"That sounds perfect," Blair sighed and leaned his head against Jim's shoulder. "Um -- Jim?" 

"Yeah, sweetheart?" 

"Mom -- well, she said she never wanted a lot of people at her f-funeral." Blair swallowed heavily, then continued, "She always pictured it being peaceful. I'd just like it to be the two of us. Is that okay?" 

Jim placed a loving kiss to the top of Blair's head. "Whatever you want, buddy. But would it be all right if I called Simon? He'd want to know what's happened." 

"Yeah, that'd be okay." 

Blair became quiet, his fingers toying with one of the buttons on Jim's shirt. Suddenly, he let out a shaky sob and turned his face into Jim's neck. 

Jim pulled Blair into a tight hug, rocking gently as Blair's arms quickly wrapped around his waist. "It's okay, Blair. Shh -- I'm here, I'm right here." 

"God, Jim, I-I'm going to miss her." Blair sighed brokenly. 

"Me too, buddy," Jim whispered. "Me too." 

* * *

It was a beautiful, warm, sunny afternoon as Jim and Blair hiked through the forest. They held each other's hands while they silently made their way up the path towards the spot that Jim had previously described to Blair. 

When they arrived at the clearing a few hours later, Blair stood in awe of the peaceful beauty that surrounded him. 

"Wow, you were right, Jim. It's really beautiful here. Mom would definitely have loved it." 

"I'm glad," Jim said softly. As a slight breeze ruffled Blair's hair, he reached out, brushing the soft strands away from Blair's face. 

"Jim, I have a poem I wrote." Blair pulled a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and quietly asked, "Would -- would you please read it while I scatter mom's ashes?" 

"I'd be honored, Chief." Jim pulled Blair into a gentle hug, placing a tender kiss to the soft lips. "Are you ready?" 

Taking a deep breath, Blair looked up at Jim and nodded. Then, as Jim began to read, Blair slowly released his mother's ashes into the wind. 

Do not stand at my grave and weep;  
I am not there. I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow.  
I am the diamond glints on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn's rain.  
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush   
of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night Do not stand at my grave and cry;  
I am not there. I did not die. 

"I love you, mom," Blair whispered shakily, then he turned to Jim. "Thanks, Jim." 

With a small smile, Jim quietly replied, "You're welcome, Sweetheart." 

They stood, side by side for a few more moments, each lost in their own thoughts. As they watched the sun begin to disappear behind the mountain range, Jim wrapped a comforting arm around Blair's shoulder, pulling him close. After breathing in a heavy sigh, Blair turned and buried his face in Jim's chest. 

Jim gathered Blair into his arms, gently tucking Blair's head under his chin. They held on to each other, shedding a few more tears until Blair's voice broke the silence. 

"Promise me, Jim. Promise you won't ever die and leave me," he choked out. 

"Oh Blair, you know I can't make that promise. Especially with the line of work I'm in. But what I can promise is that I will cherish every day that we're together and that I will love you forever." Jim cupped Blair's face between his hands and gave him a tender, loving kiss. 

Blair closed his eyes and returned the kiss, letting the feel of Jim's gentle caress calm him. "I love you so much, Jim." 

Jim tugged Blair to him, hugging him tight. "God, Blair, I hope you know how much you mean to me." 

"Oh yeah, I think I have an idea." Blair smiled slightly as he absorbed warmth and strength from his lover. "I like to imagine mom's in a beautiful place right now." 

"Oh, I think she is, Chief." 

Blair pulled back slightly and looked up at Jim. "Really?" 

"Yeah," Jim replied with a small grin. "She was a beautiful, tender-hearted, caring woman, and I think that whatever deity is looking down on us has a special place set up for Naomi to live in for the rest of eternity." 

Leaning his forehead against Jim's shoulder, Blair closed his eyes and whispered, "Thanks, man. That means a lot." 

Jim placed a tender kiss to the top of the curly head. "Come on, buddy. Let's go home." 

With arms wrapped around each other's waists, they began to walk away. When they reached the woods, Blair stopped and looked back at the clearing. The sky over the mountain range was aglow with beautiful colors of red and orange, purple and pink. It was a beautiful send-off to a beautiful woman. 

"Jim, sometime soon, I'd like to come back here again." 

Jim gently ran a soothing hand up and down Blair's back. "Anytime, Chief." 

"Bye, Mom," Blair whispered, then turned back to Jim -- his love, his life, his forever. 

**~THE END~**

* * *

End Autumn's Rain by Ankaree: ankaree@yahoo.ca

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